You Know You're A Failure When...

...Your younger brother's philosophy teacher becomes your SAT math tutor and then after three sessions requests to end the tutoring sessions.

...On your younger brother's birthday you re-give your brother a gift that was initially given to you, a hardboiled egg painted red.

...You owe the public library $13.

...As an an anglophone in a class of English as a second language, your grade is below average.

...You manage to burn UN-COOKED muffins.

...After 3 months of frequenting the same depaunner and trying to establish a solid relationship with the bitter greek owner, she doesn't remember you, and you are depressed.