Sunday, September 25, 2011

National Support

Last night, already on the verge of a fever, the four glasses of wine seemed to only exacerbated my condition. I found myself curled up next to the toilet. Despite my obvious need to relieve my body of its toxins, I was unable to throw up. Not yet, in any event. I felt alone and scared. In my time of need, I was suddenly joined by various presidents of the United States of America, my country. They encouraged me. They told me I had it in me. They said I was strong enough.Amongst the various presidents there was even a hybrid, Jefferson Adams. He was my biggest supporter.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Revelations of the Past Minutes

1- I believe I am slightly attracted to handicapped people.
I see someone in a wheelchair or with crutches or with some exotic disease or condition and I'm enthralled.

2- Cats remind me of reptiles. I find them to be reptilian. I like birds. They are the real reptile, ancestor of the dinosaur, king of the sky...

3- My hair is the bane of my existence. It's so strange. It's deformed! I HAVE DEFORMED HAIR! It's bitter, angry, physically-frustrated hair.

4- I don't think I could ever work on a farm with animals.

5- My mother inspires strange urges in me.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Differences Between Canaries and Non-Canaries

For those who have been following the Mimi-Pompipo saga, it has been confirmed by google. the late Mimi and Pompipo are most probably perulines. And they eat insects. Canaries eat grain. They are less yellow than I might have lead you to believe. All the same, the breast is yellow. They are canary-like, without being canaries. The most prominent difference between the non-canary and the canary is the shape of the beak. A canary has a slightly more massive beak with a slight curve like that of a budgie, whilst a non-canary has a more pointed sharp beak and sharper features.


I received a call the other day.
" Come quick, I have something to show you."
Upon walking through the door I didn't notice anything...
And then
I kept on walking
towards the back of the apartment
and there was the bird cage
perched on the stainless steel counter
and in it
there was a bird.
a yellow bird.
a bird that curiously ressembled Mimi.
Naturally, my first thought was
Mimi was ALIVE again!
And then I realized that that didn't make any sense at all.
My next thought was
P. bought a bird that looks like Mimi
In matter of fact, Little Italy seems to be swarming with docile wild birds
who allow themselves to be picked up
And here he was
And then he was "Pompipo".
And he wasn't a canary.
And neither was Mimi.
And all I could think was
it wasn't very hygenic to have a wild bird in a cage in on the kitchen counter.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Last Days of Being a "Teenager"

I'm nearing my twentieth year.
And what have I accomplished?:

-Learning the geographic location of Alaska. No, it is not next to Hawaii as the American map would lead one to believe. ( For that matter and rather unrelated, Poland is not an island either. I've been told that there are very few islands in Europe, which is what makes it a wonderful continent for a cultural road trip.)
-(Almost) successfully avoiding people I know on the street. This is a work in progress, but I have faith that one day, I will be the most skillful and stealthy avoider.
- Since I signed the back of my credit card on a whim, it often proves rather complicated to replicate such a signature. I have mastered the forgery of my own signature.
- I renewed my own medicare card, overcoming my fear of public places and telephones.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Pourquoi je me suis absentée jeudi matin

Bonjour M. le professeur
Je m'appelle Venetia Gittes, je suis dans votre cours de jeudi à 8 h. Je voulais m'excuser d'avoir été absente lors du dernier cours. Je me sens obligée de vous expliquer la raison de mon absence en détails, car ma raison s'avère être non seulement très étrange, mais d'une nature drôlement allégorique:

Mercredi matin à la suite d' une grande dispute, découragée, je suis allée dehors sur la terrasse pour prendre de l'air. Du coin de mon oeil j'ai remarqué un petit oiseau d'un jaune électrique. Je sentais quelque chose d'étrange. C'était à la fois un canari et un dieu. Je l'ai fait monter et il est resté avec nous toute la journée. À mes yeux, il incarnait l'espoir. Je considerais sa présence comme un fait divin et très optimiste. La soirée même, il est mort aussi soudainement qu'il est apparu. J'étais prise avec un si grand sentiment de désespoir et culpabilité que je ne voyais plus de sens à rien. De minuit ( l'heure de sa mort) jusqu'à 4h du matin, je réfléchissais. Je voulais comprendre la signification de cet évènement. Il faut dire que je ne suis pas vraiment isotérique, mais cette instant m'a beaucoup sécoué. À 7 h 30 du matin quand le menuisier qui est en train de faire des travaux sur notre plafond est arrivé chez nous, il nous a réveillé par un cri de terreur: " Il y a une bête! Une bête!" On s'est dépêché d'aller voir ce qui se passait. Il y avait bel et bien un chat mommifié entre les poutres du plafond. Ses yeux étaient grands ouverts et sa bouche posée dans un dernier cri. J'étais vraiment traumatisée. Il a fallu calmer l'esprit du chat en l'enterrant a côté du chemin de fer. Je n'ai pas, et je m'en excuse, eu le courage d'aller à l'école ce matin là, vu mon état d'agitation.

Tout cela pour dire, que mercredi et puis jeudi ont été des journées particulières et que je ne ferai pas l'habitude de manquer à vos cours!

De plus, je vais me renseigner auprès d'un collegue du cours pour prendre des notes.

Passez une bonne dimanche et congé demain!


Thursday, September 1, 2011

Pet Cemetary

Unfortunately the story of Mimi ends there. He died last night.

The sole consolation in the aftermath of his death was when the mummified cat found in the ceiling crawlspace was removed.

Brought to you from Everyday Allegories.